Episode 19
Healing the Little Girl Inside of You
Today we are going to travel back in time and revisit some things from childhood. When we bring awareness to our past we can heal, and then thrive in our future. I’m gonna be honest with you guys, I’ve been sitting on this episode for a few weeks now, constantly making tweaks to my notes and I kept postponing it because it made me nervous to record it. So I want us to take a deep breath together and let’s dive in!
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Episode 19: Healing the little girl inside of you
Today we are going to travel back in time and revisit some things from childhood. I’m gonna be honest with you guys, I’ve been sitting on this episode for a few weeks now, constantly making tweaks to my notes and I kept postponing it because it made me nervous to record it. So Yes I do have fears, and doubts and still get scared just like everyone else, but the difference is I force myself to push through and do it anyway, It doesn’t mean I don’t procrastinate sometimes when things scare me but ultimately I know I’m going to do it. And let’s be honest it would have saved me so much time and energy if I just did it right when I had the initial idea but nonetheless, here it goes.
I know that this is going to be a really powerful episode but you have to be in a place where you are willing and ready to see it. Because When we bring awareness to our past we can heal, and then thrive in our future. So I want us to take a deep breath together and let’s dive in!
Part of the personal growth journey is going back to our roots and our earliest years to get to know ourselves better. Even if you had an incredible childhood there are still certain things that mold how we view ourselves and certain adaptations that we made to keep ourselves safe and loved. Now those things are part of our subconscious and we have to bring awareness to it because many of those things are not serving us well in our adulthood.
Our brains in their most primal state are designed to protect us, and our brains want comfort and security. The things that you did to protect yourself as a child are also the very same things that are now holding you back as an adult. There are underlying fears or beliefs that you have about yourself that need to be uncovered. There are lies that you have been believing for far too long that need to lose their stronghold in Jesus’ name!
A few weeks ago it was the last zoom meeting for our virtual book club and it was honestly one of my very favorite ones because everyone was vulnerable and real. We talked about things from our childhood and speaking to that little girl that’s inside all of us. There are so many learned habits, behaviors, and adaptations that come from our childhood, and as adults, we don’t tend to question why we do what we do, or why our thought process tends to be a certain way. We just take it for what it is, or we’ll find ourselves saying things like, “Well I’ve just always been this way” But it’s important to dive into that more and take a closer look.
Now listen I know and understand that this can be a difficult topic because, for some of you, you endured a traumatic childhood or had things happen that you never should’ve had to go through. And my heart breaks for you. It truly does. And I am so sorry that you didn’t have adults in your life who were protecting you. But I also want you to know that doesn’t have to be your story anymore. You get to choose the next path. Those old habits and things that you learned to keep you safe then, don’t have to be a part of your life now. I want you to know that there are freedom and healing you can experience.
And on the flip side of this, I don’t want you to feel like you had to have a traumatic childhood for this episode to apply to you. I had a great childhood, my parents are amazing but there are still things that negatively affected me and shaped how I see myself. You can have really loving parents who mean well and are trying their best but we’re all human and make mistakes. And even with having amazing parents, there’s still a lot of things that were out of their control, other influences in our life, other people that we came into contact with. And just like we can’t be with our kids 24/7 and we can’t be perfect parents, there are going to be things that will happen to our kids because we can’t put them in a bubble and protect them from everything.
And so in entering this discussion I never want it to be in a negative light or that it’s a time to blame our parents or others for things they said or did in our childhood. That’s not what this is about, it’s about being brave enough to look back without judgment and just see things for what they were and how they affected you so that then you can move on and leave those unhealthy thoughts and habits you developed in the past.
As kids, we want to stay safe, get love and belong. And as we are trying to navigate through all of that we start making these equations in our heads based on observations we are making. It’s not something we are consciously doing but for example:
Look back and ask yourself, who did I have to become to be safe, to get love, and to belong?
What did you have to do as a kid or who did you have to be to make everything okay and to make everyone happy?
Maybe for you, there was a lot of yelling, a lot of turmoil, in your house growing up and so to try and keep the peace you stayed quiet. It’s why you might feel like people overlook you or don’t see you because you tried to blend into the background for so long and didn’t want to make too much noise or stick out. Because having a voice wasn’t safe, so being quiet protected you as a child, but now you realize that is no longer serving you in your adulthood.
You are valuable, you have a voice that the world needs to hear, you have value to add to those around you, and by speaking up you will change someone else’s life and your own while you’re at it!
Or maybe something happened when you were younger that made you feel unworthy or not good enough.
Think back to that…. What was your earliest memory of not feeling good enough? And then what did you decide about yourself at that moment?
Now as yourself another question, Would you let that version of yourself, that little 7-year-old girl, make emotional decisions for you now??
The answer is probably no.
YET so many of us are allowing that little girl version of us to make emotional decisions for us now as adults. Think about this for a minute,
I have a 7-year-old little boy and I would never allow him to make adult decisions for our family. While I love him dearly, there are a lot of things that he doesn’t know, he doesn’t have the same foresight that I do, he doesn’t know how to see the big picture and think long term, and while he’s smart, he doesn’t have the same wisdom that his dad and I do.
But here’s the thing, so many of you are doing that right now internally. You are allowing that little girl version of you to make decisions about your worth, emotions, and value.
Why are you allowing that 7-year-old version of you to determine those things?
I can tell you why, because you’ve never named it and called it out. The lies that you’re believing about yourself right now most likely started from when you were a child. Maybe it’s something someone said or did to make you feel that way.
But you need to say it out loud, give it a name.
And I know this sounds a little crazy because the first time I heard it I was a little unsure. But I had invested big money into a personal growth and business retreat right after Hunter was born. And one of the speakers there talked about this very topic.
And she actually made us NAME that little girl version of ourselves that’s holding us back.
Mine is Maggie – and Maggie is the younger version of me that’s holding myself back.
Maggie is the little girl who didn’t feel like she fit in, that people made fun of and called “butch” because of her muscles, and maggie’s the one who was an easy target because she was book smart but lacked common sense.
Here’s the thing when we live in reactionary mode, and we don’t understand why we’re doing the things that we’re doing, it’s because we don’t understand our past. WE haven’t taken the time to look back at the things that have shaped us and made us who we are. But that little girl version of you who’s hurting is still a part of who you are, and that’s why we need to create a relationship with her.
You need to say it out loud, give it a name. Don’t overthink it, it will just come to you. A name will just pop into your head – write it down.
Here’s why you do this, because when you name it and recognize it for what it is, just the insecure, scared little girl version of you- then you can call it out! And have a conversation with yourself & your brain.
You can say “Thank you – thank you for protecting me, thank you for helping me make sense when things were confusing. But I no longer need you to protect me”
And then you can intentionally shift and upgrade your thinking and beliefs.
Some of you have never named and called out the lies you believe about yourself. But in Jesus’ name, they lose their power when we bring it from the darkness into the light.
At some point when you were younger you started believing, that you were helpless, unworthy, and unlovable. But you need to know that those lies don’t have to define you anymore! We have to get brave to stop believing the lies!
Here’s the thing, there was always a trade-off or a payoff for those decisions that you made as a kid. You made a decision about yourself to protect yourself! Every single one of us experienced moments growing up where we didn’t feel loved, or seen, or heard. It’s confusing as a kid and so we make these adaptations to protect ourselves.
As adults, we tend to judge it, but we need to see it for what it was. It served you in that season to help make sense of what was going on around you as a little kid. BUT it no longer serves you in adulthood. And a lot of this was subconscious too, It’s not like you were hyper analyzing situations as a child, you were just adapting and reacting the best way that you knew how.
And here’s where we need to “Marie Kondo” things from your childhood. When something doesn’t serve a purpose anymore in your life, you need to let it go. But you don’t just toss it to the wayside. You hold it in view, and you say thank you, and then you get rid of it.
What I want you guys to do when you finish listening to this episode, is to hold in view the little girl version of yourself. And I want you to love her and to take the time to tell her all things that you wished you would have heard growing up.
– When you do this, you get to be a part of the healing process which is a beautiful thing! You aren’t relying on anyone else to come apologies to you, you aren’t blaming others, you are taking the reins and you are initiating the healing by speaking truth and love over yourself!
Maybe it was the approval of a parent or friend, maybe you needed to hear, “I am proud of you”, maybe you needed to hear, “You are creative and unique not weird.” maybe you needed to hear “You are loved for who you are, it’s not performance-based, it’s not results-based, you are loved for being you” maybe you needed to hear, “You are worthy.”
I could go on for hours giving examples but I think you get the picture of what I’m saying.
And then I want you to thank that little girl version of you for everything she did to protect you and make you feel safe and loved. And then gently let her know that you don’t need her to protect you anymore. So you hold her in view, you thank her and then you put her aside. You will no longer let that scared insecure little girl version of you make decisions for you as an adult.
Situations will come up, and the little girl version of you will want to make decisions again. And your ego will put up resistance because it’s trying to jump in and protect you – but now you have awareness around this. And you know what to do! You thank her, and then let her know you don’t need her protection anymore! And then you go be brave and live into your fullest potential without all of the limiting beliefs that aren’t serving you anymore!
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