Episode 20: Simple Steps to Overcome Overwhelm 

Let’s talk about overwhelm. And the reason I’m choosing this is that it’s something I have been struggling with this week. And what I have found is that if I’m struggling with something in my personal life chances are there’s a lot of other people who are struggling with this too. I keep it real, I keep it authentic and I’m never going to come on here and pretend like I have my life altogether because I don’t. BUT I have learned how to manage stress, overwhelm, and big emotions so they don’t take over my life. It is possible to still have peace and joy in the midst of this crazy thing we call life. And so I wanted to share some things with you guys that help me when I start to feel overwhelmed. 

The first thing and I think this can be the hardest sometimes is realizing that overwhelm is a choice… Did I step on some toes with that one? It’s probably not what you wanted to hear especially if you’re in a state of overwhelm. But I want you to know that it is possible to have a lot of things going on and not feel overwhelmed. The reason we don’t like to admit that overwhelm is a choice is because then we have to take ownership. We don’t get to blame the kids, or our spouse or work or school, or church or friends, or anything else that you can think of. This goes back to episode 2 – what’s the one thing you can control – YOURSELF. 

This personal growth journey is not always fun, and oftentimes we view it as hard. But is it really hard or is it just uncomfortable? 

Because I would venture to say that staying in a state of overwhelm is not easier, it’s actually more difficult, but it’s what you’re used to, it’s what you’re comfortable with and so, therefore, your brains tell you, that you want to stay there. Even though you know deep down that staying in this frazzled state of overwhelm is not easier, it’s just familiar. But we need to learn to break that cycle. 

And it starts with admitting that Overwhelm is a Choice! And once you can acknowledge that, then you can then do something about it. But if overwhelm isn’t a choice, then you can blame everyone or everything else around you for why you are feeling so crazy, drained, and stressed out. 

And here’s the thing, Nothing, in particular, happened this week that should have caused me to be overwhelmed but that’s usually how it goes. A bunch of little things add up and then we lose our minds. I told my husband that I was feeling incredibly drained because it felt like I had 1000 different tabs open in my brain at one time. So even though at any given moment I might not be doing something that’s difficult or I might not be making a big decision, it’s still draining my energy knowing that I have all of these other tasks to do and decisions to make that are constantly running on a reel in the back of my mind. 

I think a big misconception about working on mindset and personal growth is that you shouldn’t ever get stressed out or you shouldn’t ever have bad days and if you do then you’re not really growing and you’re failing at all this mindset work. 

WRONG! That’s not what it’s about at all. If you are expecting perfection, I hate to break it to you but it doesn’t exist. But what can exist is fewer bad days and more good days. 98% good days is what I’m going for over here. And I would say I’m pretty on target with that. 

 I used to stay in a state of overwhelm for a long time. And if one thing went wrong it would spiral and keep spirling and keep spirling. But I have learned how to become more self-aware so I can know what my triggers are, sometimes I can even stop certain things before they happen, or if I don’t catch it before it happens then I am much more in tune with myself to know what I need to do to get out of that funk. 

And that my friends is progress. Instead of letting a bad morning turn into a bad day which then turns into a bad week and then a bad month; Now I am only having short bursts where things aren’t great but it doesn’t take me out completely anymore.

See you will be able to recognize things for what they are more quickly because you’re focusing on 98% good days and staying in alignment. When something goes out of alignment you’ll be able to pick up on that quickly, and then you’ll have the tools in place to know how to get yourself back into alignment. 

This is not a one size fits all thing. I will share with you some things that really help me when I’m feeling stressed out and overwhelmed but you have to figure out what works for you. 

And sometimes we need really quick things that we can do at the moment, We feel stress and overwhelm coming on, we’re about to lose it on our kids and you need something fast. That is not the time to sit down and brain dump, and meditate and do all of those other really great things. When you’re in the middle of chaos and your to-do list is a mile high and you’re feeling really overwhelmed….At that moment, when you feel the stress hit you, or you’re about to go from Mary Poppins to batman, what I would encourage you to do – is take a deep breath. A lot of times I will even close my eyes for a second, just pause, focus on my breathing, in through my nose out through my mouth. Get some more oxygen to my brain so I can think better and it just helps my brain to slow down for a second because I’m focusing on breathing. 

If this is something that you do regulate yourself often, your kids as they older will start to pick up on this… like oh snap mom is closing her eyes deep breathing she’s probably stressed out & we should be on our best behavior. Now if you’re kids are really little like my 20 months old he just thinks we’re about hiding and seek when I do that. But hey it still gives me a few minutes because he’s going to hide somewhere. 

Flip the script and the narrative in your head that is tell you you’re overwhelmed. Because what you focus on expands. So if you go around telling yourself all day “I’m so overwhelmed, I’m so overwhelmed.” What is your brain going to do? It is going to seek out and focus on all the things that are making you feel overwhelmed. Be aware of what you’re telling yourself and flip the script to focus on more joy, peace, and more positive things. 

And then instead of trying to tackle every single thing that you have to get done just do ONE, just pick one simple task. The quickest simplest task that you can do, just to help you start feeling productive. I am famous for when I feel super overwhelmed I take a nap and I just pretend like it’s not there but that’s really not helpful in the long run. It might make me feel better for that moment because I’m temporarily forgetting everything that I have to do. But that is not productive. So by picking one small task to do, you will feel that sense of accomplishment and like you can keep going instead of freezing and not doing anything. 

Something else I started doing this week because I kept being triggered with overwhelm, is that I would ask myself “Is it going to take me 30 seconds or less to do this task?” If the answer was yes I would do it right there on the spot. You will be amazed at how much more you can accomplish and you won’t feel as stressed out. It’s just a bunch of small 30 second tasks but you’re moving the need forward and being productive. 

That’s something you can do right there in the moment of stress – take a deep breath and then pick one small 30-second task to do. Doesn’t matter what it is. There is no right or wrong,  just pick something. 

But then later on when you’re aren’t in the midst of the chaos – here are some other things you can do to help relieve that overwhelm. What I want to help teach you how to do through this podcast is how to leave reactive mode, and start entering problem-solving mode! 

1. The biggest thing you can do is a brain dump. When I was stressing this week, my husband looked at me and said well have brain dumbed and of course, the answer was no. Because he knows that helps me so much, 
   1. The way this works is you need to get all of these things out of your head onto paper. Then you can sort and prioritize. And put a star by things that absolutely have to get done. 
   2. And you can now see okay this is where I need to spend my time focusing on right now because these things need to get done first. 
   3. But then also looking at that list and seeing, is there anything that you can delegate, to your spouse or your kids? 
   4. Is there anything you can automate? I talk about delegating and automating in more detail in Episode 6: Titled- Busy is NOT a badge of honor. 
   5. And maybe just maybe the reason you’re feeling so overwhelmed is that you do have too much on your plate. And if that’s the case you need to start saying no to certain things and offloading. Or getting help around the house. Whatever that looks like for you. Stop trying to think you have to do it all. And definitely go listen to episode 6. 

1. Back to problem-solving mode. Once you can see everything on the paper you’re no longer holding it all in your brain trying to be superwomen and remember all the things. 
2. I had talked about earlier how I felt like I had a million tabs open and it was constantly draining me. So I looked at a lot of the things that were causing me stress and had to evaluate, okay what decisions can I make to help move this forward. Do I need to rearrange our schedule a little? Our kids are starting soccer and so our schedule is shifting, it was stressing me out to not know all the details so we had a little family meeting last night and Phil and I figured out at least our new schedule for this week to see if that’s going to work for us. 
3. And then we have a bunch of unfinished house projects so we looked at that and started making decisions about what’s going first, what are some small things I can do now to start moving the needle forward. 

1. The biggest thing here is that you are problem-solving. You are being proactive. You are looking at everything and saying to yourself okay what am I in control of here and what steps can I take to relieve some of the stress that I’m feeling. This is not the time to have a pity party for yourself. But do schedule some self-care time into this. Chances are you’re feeling overwhelmed because you haven’t taken the time to fill your cup. It doesn’t have to cost money, it doesn’t have to take hours, but do something for yourself! 
2. And then before you go to bed, have a small list ready for the next morning that has 1 or 2 Top priorities and then maybe one or two other things from your list. Then you know, this is what I’m focusing on today. You aren’t waking up wondering and don’t even know where to start or what to do today. Having a list will help you a lot. 

Something else that has been making a big difference for me over the past few weeks is making my bed first thing in the morning. And I know that sounds so dumb because I used to think that. Like why would I spend time making my bed if I’m just going to get back in it at night? Made no sense to me. But by getting up and accomplishing a task, I already feel more productive for the day and it’s just started. I have been fighting this habit for a long time but I have really been studying the habits of highly effective people and top performers and it’s something that a lot of them have in common and so I am determined to adopt these same habits as well. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed you have to decide enough is enough and I’m not going to stay in this stressed-out state anymore. And yes it may be uncomfortable to make these changes, to flip the script but I promise you it’s going to be better than staying in your frazzled state of stress just because it’s familiar to you. Staying in Chaos and overwhelm is not easier friends, it’s just more comfortable because you’re used to it. I want to challenge you to get uncomfortable and do something different. Don’t buy into the lie that you can’t enjoy motherhood or the lie that motherhood always has to be stressful! Challenge the cultural norms and go out and live your extraordinarily normal life! 

So I hope that these tips are helpful for you. The ones in the moment of stress and then the proactive ones when you have a little more time to sit down and think. This week I want to see you brain dumping and tackling your lists. Tag me on Instagram, show me what you’re doing and how this episode has helped you! I want to see you guys thriving and not staying in a state of overwhelm.