Busy is NOT a Badge of Honor

Today we are going to talk about busyness and overwhelm. I just want to clear something up right off the bat for anyone who might not know this, but there is no special award you receive for being the busiest mom or fitting the most in your schedule, or running yourself ragged. No one is keeping track of what you’re doing, and if they are, it’s probably not a healthy friendship. 

How often when you ask someone how they’re doing or what they’ve been up to they answer with, “I’m good just busy.” It is like second nature to say those things. I have been guilty of rattling that off as a first response too. But I am making a conscious effort to change that. 

What narrative are you feeding yourselves all day long? Are you stressing yourself out? Are you constantly telling yourself that you’re overwhelmed?? I mean Even just hearing the word “busy” has a negative connotation to it. 

We need to first stop telling ourselves that we are so busy. Because busy and overwhelm are a choice. I have a friend who refuses to say the word busy, she literally doesn’t have it in her vocabulary because she acknowledges that the things taking up time and space in her life, she has intentionally allowed in. 

Here’s the thing, You can have a lot on your plate, yet be efficient and not feel stressed out. But I feel like when we associate all the things we have to do with words like busy and overwhelm it’s easy to get stressed out. Because we feel like we’re out of control. 

See Busyness doesn’t just affect you physically it affects you mentally as well, and the problem with busyness is that it’s making you a victim who can’t choose how you spend your time. This all goes back to what we talked about in Episode 2 – what’s the one thing you can control, and that’s yourself. 

The reality is, YOU are in control of your calendar, and the things that are on there you have allowed in your life. You may not feel like you are in control of that, but I want to affirm you that you indeed are in control of those things. 

And chances are, the reason you feel so stressed is that you feel like you don’t have the time to do the things in your life that really matter to you. 

The first step of this is you have to figure out what’s most important to you? And then secondly, you have to know yourself and the things that trigger your stress and drain you. 

When you look at Your calendar it will show you where your true priorities lie, but it may also tell you that you’re avoiding some things in the name of busyness. So many times we avoid the things we know we should be doing, and use “I’m busy” as an excuse to not do those things. I’m actually going to dive into that more in next week’s episode because busyness can actually be modern-day laziness, so stay tuned for that episode if you dare. 

Today I wanted to give you some really practical tips and questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed and busy, BUT it’s going to take you a few minutes to sit down, do the work, analyze your calendar or schedule, figure out where your time is being spent the most. That’s the only way to make a change, is to first assess and figure out where all your time is going. I recommend doing a time log of your day, and this will also allow you to see if you have wasted time during the day. I’m not saying so then you fill up your calendar even more, because I actually really believe in leaving intentional blank space on your calendar without an agenda so you can actually live and be present in the moments. But if you have a lot that needs to get done and you’re feeling stressed, there are probably chunks of time in your day that you’re just wasting or you’re not being as efficient as you could.

So let’s stop having life happen to us, and let’s start being proactive. You decide what’s on your calendar. You say yes to things, you say no to things, If it’s on your calendar it’s because you have said yes to it. 

Okay, Now we’re gonna get into the practical steps. 

Here are three questions to ask yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed and busy: 

What can you delete or say no to? 

What can you delegate? 

And what can you automate? 

So we are going to dive into each of those questions 

1. First… What can you delete or say no to? 
   1. Have you ever found yourself wondering how in the world did this get on my calendar, or why am I still doing this? Maybe it’s something that is no longer life-giving &, you need to stop. You need to get some of those things off your plate 
   2. Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed… and remember to overwhelm is a choice…It is a really good idea to go back and redefine your priorities. This is going to help you with all of your decision makings because If you don’t decide what’s most important to you, other people will decide for you. It’s really hard to figure out what to delete from your schedule, or what things you should be saying yes or no to, if you don’t know what your priorities are. 
   3. If you’re number one priority is people-pleasing, then your calendar is going to be a reflection of that because it will be filled with all of these things that you don’t even want to be doing but that you said yes to. 
   4. If you are someone who has a hard time with boundaries, then when you start to say no to things, you might upset some people. You might get some pushback because others aren’t used to it. And that’s okay, you need to stand your ground. 
   5. I am a recovering people pleaser. I still have my moments where old tendencies pop up but I am trying to be more intentional with the way I respond when I’m asked a question that requires some kind of commitment. 
   6. I have started practicing a new response whenever someone asks me if I can do something, and it’s been really helpful. Before I give someone an answer or commit to doing something I like to respond with, “I would love to, but I have to check my calendar first before I can say yes.” Sometimes pausing and giving ourselves a few moments or a few hours to sit with the idea of whether or not we should say yes to that thing, is just what we need to make wiser and healthier choices. Because how many times have you said, “Yes” to something and then, later on, regretted it because yes was just your automatic response??.. 
   7. I also want to add. That if your answer is no, or that you won’t be able to commit to whatever the person is asking of you, there is no further explanation needed. No is enough of an answer. 
2. On to the second question: What can you delegate?? What things can you offload from your plate? Something that my husband has always said to me is “Megan you are the manager of the house but that doesn’t mean you have to DO everything yourself.” I think that’s a big misconception for moms because we feel like every single thing falls on our shoulders. But there are still certain things that you could probably delegate to a spouse, or if you are a single mom you might have friends who want to help you or something like that. 
   1. I want you to really take a few moments and ask yourself “what things can I delegate?”And if you need to pause this episode so you actually complete this task then do it and come back. Here’s an example: if you’re cooking dinner you can delegate the dishes to your spouse. You can say “Hey babe I’m cooking dinner tonight could you please do the dishes?” Don’t expect him to read your mind, don’t delegate tasks in your head, and never tell your spouse. Because then you’re going to get frustrated that he didn’t do something that you never told him you wanted him to do. Clear communication is kind. And I’m gonna venture to say that a lot of the time, now this is not true for every person’s case okay but I would venture to say a lot of times your spouse actually wants to help you, they just don’t know how to help you or they’re afraid they are going to do it wrong, and then you’re gonna bite their head off because they didn’t do it the way that you would, and here they were just trying to help, and now they don’t want to help anymore because it’s just gotten them in more trouble then if they weren’t helping at all. See how this cycle goes?? So let’s let go of some of that perfectionism, let’s let go of having things done our specific way for the sake of delegating and having more peace of mind. 
   2. And I get it when you have really little kids and babies, yes a lot more is going to fall on your shoulders. But also don’t underestimate what your kids can do, even when they’re little. Hunter is almost 18 months old and even he can help me pick up laundry put it in the washer, pick up shoes, and put them in the basket. I am just starting to realize now as my older kids are 4.5 and almost 7 that they can do way more than I ever thought they could. But again it’s letting of that control and our specific way of doing things. Your kids 
3. What can you automate?? 
   1. Eliminating those choices daily, and weekly can help free up your mind to think more clearly. So for us that looked like automating dinners. Twice a week we started using a meal service, everything is cut up and prepped in little packages and then I cook it up fresh. I don’t have to think about what meals we’re making, I don’t have to add all of those ingredients to my grocery list, it makes it very simple. I just do 2 of those a week, so that covers dinner Wednesday and Thursday for us. Every Tuesday we do Taco’s, without fail we do Taco Tuesday. My kids might be getting a little tired of it, but that’s okay because it’s one less thing that I have to think about during the week. Every single Friday is Pizza and family movie night so I don’t have to think about it. And then on Mondays are our date nights. We have a babysitter that comes every Monday, I have something really simple for her to cook for the kids, Its usually something I don’t give them all the time but that the kid’s love, like mac and cheese and hot dogs, or chicken nuggets or Charlie’s favorite spaghetti and meatballs. Just something really simple she can make for the kids, they’re thrilled about it. It’s easy and then Phil and I are going out to eat so I don’t have to worry about our meals. That right there is 5 days out of the week. On the weekends we typically do big breakfasts, and then on Sundays we typically eat with my parents and do some kind of smoked meat. So we kind of has a little routine that we have gotten down because I needed some things that needed to be automated. Let’s talk about grocery shopping. There are so many grocery delivery services, or grocery picks up if you find yourself lugging your kids to the store with you or you are running to the grocery store often for all these little last minute things. Oh my goodness guys with just a little bit of planning you can get back HOURS in your week and you can save yourself some stress. A lot of those grocery pick-up services are FREE, and the delivery ones typically only have like a $5-10 charge. Trust me your sanity and your time is more precious than that. You’re probably going to save that money because you’re not walking around the store mindlessly adding things to the cart. Take advantage of the services that are out there that can make your life easier. Also every Monday, our babysitter that comes to watch the kids, also makes a quadruple batch of protein balls, for all of us to snack on throughout the week so we have something healthy we can just grab. So that right there I have not only automated a task but I have also delegated it. I hope these examples you see that setting up simple little things that are automated in your life is really going to help free up brain space and relieve stress. 

So friends take a deep dive into your calendar this week, figure out what can be deleted, what can be delegated and what can be automated. And then send me a message on Instagram. I want to hear how these episodes are helping you!